FORGETTING YOUR OWN RULES
You don’t have to go back far to find that time & again I fail to follow my own sensible rules to try & protect myself from the users & bastards that make up a significant proportion of the men you meet on Twitter. This picture is a strong reminder of what happens when you DO follow your rules but you don’t listen to your instincts. I’m not talking about a situation with a guy that I had any attachment too, be clear on that, but what I don’t like is that I went out of my way, and spent money I don’t have, pleasing a guy, with a particular ‘interest’ and who was faking his friendly & benign attitude from the first day. When I finally called him on it he turned on me in a split second & the ‘colours’ that had warned me off him on day one turned out to be his true colours.
I’ll give his first name because nobody knows it, he doesn’t use it on Twitter, it’s Wes. He had a what seemed harmless enough fetish for a number of closely related things, one being tight wet-look leggings. As in the picture. The pictures weren’t taken just for him, there are a couple of other guys I know & like who are in to the same thing. And I was quite happy to please/cheer up one of them in particular. Far more than Wes. But still the lies rankle & the fact that I did more for him than anyone ever before (and I guarantee I won’t be doing this again for any single person) and he was never grateful & of course, that he lied to me throughout. It’s yet another salutary reminder that people, men, can & will do/say anything to get what THEY want because there was nothing whatsoever in it for me.
It’s the same old introduction. A new follower, one who actually talks to you unlike the vast majority, rolls up & being me I’m always happy to talk to almost anyone. So he talked, a lot, and because of that I took the time & trouble to look at not only his timeline but also at who he followed & who followed him. And I didn’t like what I saw at all. It was exactly what I never want to see with any guy I’m spending a lot of time on. I cannot stress strongly enough that I’m human & I have my fears & I do have some minor prejudices. But these arise more from self-protection & lack of any experience in those matters. And from past (Twitter) experiences.
I’ve got close to a few guys over the months, dangled on getting really quite close to a couple of them & stupidly learned, too late, that they are not what they seem & they were not the sort of people that I, personally, would ever want to get involved with. High risk behaviour & interests in things that sure aren’t on my list. I don’t have the time & I don’t have the inclination. Though in this (oft-repeated) interest there is no place for a woman. So my alarm bells sound when I see guys following, interacting with & hitting on men. And I don’t mean bisexual (though that doubles the competition) I mean guys in to shemales, CDs & to some extent transsexuals. That might be prejudice on my part, I know nothing about this stuff at all but as a rule these guys describe themselves as straight, while seeking sexual contact with men. Having fake tits doesn’t turn a man with a cock, no matter how attractive a woman they are ‘in the flesh’. Lift that dress and all that’s their is a fully functioning cock & a person you can only have anal sex with, just with bonus of tits. They’re not on their way to becoming women, I get the being born in the wrong body bit, the need for a sex change. I met these confused & challenged people when I was a nurse. It’s a long & lonely road to becoming what they know they truly are. It’s not an easy choice & there are widespread life-changing impacts that can’t be reversed. I have no issue with them although I know how hard it is for their families. I wish them luck & happiness.
But it’s not them that bother me, it’s ‘straight’ guys in high risk sexual relationships with men. And I’ve covered this before. I can’t handle it & as for them, well they are bi at best & in most cases in complete denial. Sexually high risk. If they want to chat with me, follow me, flirt with me, that’s fine but if they’re hinting at something more that’s not. My window of opportunity is too small & fear of sexual health risks far too high. If I met these guys in RL then I’d never know but on Twitter you do.
Anyway, the more we talked it seems smart to check this guy out. So I did. Those he followed were by & large (too) sexually extreme (for this woman) & yet again a bunch of shemales & cross-dressers & a load of new & more extreme fetishes that I just can’t handle. Sorry for being a coward. So I told him that he wasn’t a guy I wanted to get that close to, that his interactions were ones that made me very uncomfortable. And his TL was crammed full of them. So he said he had no idea, he’d followed back anyone who followed him when he started out, he was 100% straight but just had this fetish & that was a fetish I could live with. At least in the way he explained it to me. And he went & cleared all these people out of his Twitter. Still the fetish & stuff relating to that but a lot of the fetish is one you find all over Twitter.
So, somehow, I’d followed this guy back, to have these conversations. He said he was very much attracted to me, age irrelevant. At this point you back off & you say, well I do, I’m just talking to you, getting to know you, no promises & absolutely no guarantees. And honestly, in his case, absolutely no attraction on my side. I knew stuff about him that made it a no-go. No plan to meet for coffee, no meals out, none of the things (he said) he wanted but I’d humour him on the fetish. As he wasn’t the only guy out there that followed me.
Very specifically it started with him asking for pictures of me in a one-piece swimming costume, not what I expected, but I had one so it was free & harmless. So I took a load (maybe not as fast he wanted, he was pushy) and frankly they were pretty dull but I had them. Then he said please send them to me. Well that was never part of the deal. I’m not anyone’s personal toy, I don’t mail out pictures bar in 1 or 2 special cases. So I said absolutely not. Not what I offered him or anyone & not something I’d be comfortable doing. Not happy. Well tough, I aim to please the masses. I said I’d post a load of them for him & I did, with v v little interest from anyone else unsurprisingly. That was maybe too specific for most. But he liked them, I was wonderful, he was so grateful. He’d love to buy me one of his favourite swimming costumes if I’d take pictures in it. I said ok, it’s no cost to me (or much use but it was his money) so I added some of the ones he’d mentioned to my Amazon wish list. He said he’d buy me one once it got to his payday.
Then, in the meantime, I posted some pics in a couple of metallic outfits, I’m having a metallic moment right now. And he really liked those. And he was still messaging me asking me to consider letting him take me out for a NSA meal when I was next south. Over & over. I just wasn’t interested, not my type, I knew enough about him to know that. Nothing in common. Someone to chat to, not someone to date. I’ve far from posted all the metallic pictures but he wanted me to post lots more. Not happening, they get drip-fed out. Nobody wants to see the same thing over & over & one guys sexy is another’s blah no matter how much I may like metallic/sparkly atm. And if I’d not post more then I should email them to him. Er, no, I shouldn’t. We’d had that conversation before. I’d been quite clear. But if you’ve done someone a big favour once then instead of being grateful they just want more. And between harmless contacts there were gentle prods towards wet look leggings, as in the picture. No offer to buy them of course & no sign of the swimming costume but I am just too stupidly polite to raise that. Polite is one of my biggest failings.
Another guy who follows me & I him, was going through a tough time & I like him. I wanted to cheer him up. Wet look leggings were one of the things he loved & there was one other guy as well. So, my hand in my pocket, again but bcos the other guy wasn’t in a position to buy himself much let alone me. And I found them cheap too. Took me 2 or 3 weeks to get the chance to take the pictures, I do have some sort of a life. And Wes was pushing again but this was more for the other guy & being a decent human being he wasn’t. At all.
So I took the pictures, edited them, amongst about 500 others & posted one. Which was generally popular but, happily, really cheered up my genuinely unhappy guy too. Full of his usual comments & so pleased. Not Wes, 2 paydays down, no swimming costume & he wanted me to post more of the leggings pictures. And take more wet look leggings & metallic pictures. I was still editing the last ones. And at this point I’m getting just a little pissed off. So my hand in my pocket & I bought more wet look & metallic (in one item) clothes.
Then the ‘I want pictures in high-shine tights & layered pictures (tights over stockings), no knickers necessary. Must be shiny, really shiny. Go to this website & buy some’. I have to wonder where the fuck my brain is sometimes. We’re not talking ordinary glossy stockings you can buy at M&S, no we’re talking specialist tights, dancer’s tights. And you could buy more wet-look & zentai stuff there too. 2 pairs of shiny tights, £24. I’m up to well over £60 for this guy who delivered nothing in return. Bar (fantasy) offers for meals out (and a relationship I never wanted) & no swimming costume that I didn’t want or need but that he wanted.
I’d had no chance to take the pictures & I still haven’t had the chance. So he’s on my back, again. If I can’t get those pictures taken then could I do some special pictures for him when I do….
So “What do you mean special?” I asked Wes. Straight back, by email (major lapse of judgement there, giving him my email) “I mean I want you to take some & send them to only me”. I can be pretty easygoing (honest) but that’s the final straw. Told him to back off & I’d already done far far more for him than I’d ever done for anyone else. And he let rip. Uptight bitch. Self-centred. Think I’m better than him. I was nobody special. Arrogant. He didn’t give a fuck about me. Who was I to refuse him? I could go to hell. I was stuck up. Selfish. Worthless. Who did I think I was? 3 emails in 30 minutes full of abuse & derogatory remarks. For the one man I’d done far more favours for than pretty much all the others put together. Full of hate.
Well it’s a relief to have blocked him. A relief to not have the constant chip chip chip of demands. Offers of a relationship I never wanted & I had no intention of ever meeting the guy. And now, when you block someone & they don’t block you back you can still see their account. And he’s back to hitting on men & his polite tweets are far more crude. True colours. What I saw in his TL & following when first I looked. And when he said he didn’t know how he’d ended up following those people, well that was a lie. He cleaned up his account just to get what he wanted from me. A temporary measure.
I used to say that we can’t change who follows us but we have full control over who we follow. But that’s not true. If you’re straight, as he said he was, and gay men, shemales etc follow you well there’s a block button you know. If you really don’t want their attention. The fact that someone hasn’t pressed it is all you need to know.
So no emotional hurt or damage to me this time. Just the realisation that I’m just far too kind, that I give everyone the benefit of the doubt when the facts are already in front of me & they’ve done nothing to earn it, that men can & will say or do anything to get what they want, and that faking being a decent human being is easily done. In the short term. And that, as ever, it’s a serious mistake to follow almost any man.
And I feel so fucking stupid of course. And poorer. And poor, which is very relative, is something that is staring me in the face at the moment & I am done with buying clothes for pictures. Especially when I already have more than I know what to do with & have yet to take pictures in. Which also makes me stupid.
On the plus side I guess I’m a nice person, I just wish the bad ones came with labels.
I retain the copyright to my pictures but you are welcome to reblog them but not to use them for your own profit.